Anger Meaning: How To Let Go Of Anger
Anger Meaning: How To Let Go Of Anger.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
Anger is a volatile and destructive emotion that is why the Bible said, A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. According to definition, anger is a strong feeling of being upset or annoyed because of something wrong or bad: the feeling that makes someone want to hurt other people, to shout, etc. the feeling of being angry.
Many of us seem to carry anger with us like it’s a part of our identity. Many of us seem to wear anger like it’s a self-enhancing booster, an accolade of superiority, and a natural part of being human.
I used to too, until some years back, I made a conclusion I will never let anger control my emotion. When I consciously decided that I will no longer live with anger in me, I became conscious of it. I will no longer let anger rule my life, impact my decisions, or be a part of my emotional vocabulary. Where anger stirs up in me, I actively process this emotion on the spot, release it to the universe, and hope that it gets recycled into positive energy by ensuring I pick up a task to execute.[ Anger Meaning: How To Let Go Of Anger ]
Growing up to discover I have a Angry Father
My parents would argue most times, it would even lead to fight. Thinking back about my childhood years, I vividly recall a lot of shouting and heightened emotions hurled from my dad on my mum, on a near daily basis. That really made me hate him as a child and build up anger in me, but I could never question his action as a helpless kid watching this unfold without being able to do anything about the situation, I would feel deeply hurt in my soul.
I didn’t realize it at that time, but I grew up collecting the residual anger from my dad. You know, when you are constantly in the face of people arguing or being violent, it doesn’t matter even if you are not the subject of the arguments—the angst will eventually rub off of you. This was what happened to me.
Thinking back, I could see that it was likely a subconscious expression of all the angst that had built up in me at that time. As I grew older, I now got to know that wasn’t the case. My angst had never disappeared—it had merely receded into a deeper part of my subconsciousness as I developed the other parts of my identity, my anger was still there, right inside of me. It never went away. It merely laid dormant, ready to be triggered anytime the right conditions were in place.
That I was (still is) a deeply angry person was something I would only realize many years later.
Awareness of the Anger in Me
My anger was mainly latent anger; meaning I wasn’t an angry person at my natural state. In fact, quite the opposite—I would almost always be bright, cheery, happy, and upbeat. My anger would only arise when things didn’t go my way. Even then I would never direct my anger outward unless I was really, really frustrated. My anger was mainly kept to myself and managed within my consciousness. [ Unhappy Relationship Signs]
In my mind, I never thought of myself as an angry person. I simply thought my occasional anger to life’s little hiccups were highly normal and simply a natural human reaction. Unfortunately, this wasn’t true at all.
After knew I was an angry person, thought I am not the social type who love to associate with people but it seems that whenever I see people being oppressed, disdain or cheated I realized my anger would rise up. But one thing I have ever learnt to do was to either speak for those who are being the victim. Stay mute or walk out of that environment in other no to become a violent person.
How Anger Ruled My Decision
Prover 15:18, A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.
There is no how you can easily move along with people if you cannot be questioned about your action when things are not right.
There is no way you can always feel your judgement is right most especially if you are a angry person. Because are persons are. They are right! Because that is what most of us do to justify the act of callous behavior. This is where mind maturity defines your personality. And not what your emotion craved for.
I realize when I am angry I make stupid decisions! I suffered the consequence of it which was never a good one but envelop with regret that going through the outcome of my anger would make me think deep thoughts of how it could have been avoided, if I had considered to overlook, forgive and forget it wouldn’t have gravitate to a complicated state.
The Damaging Effects of Anger
#1. Anger Has Damaged My Relationships
They were people I deliberately hurt then because I was controlled by anger emotion after they did things unconsciously that hurt me. Some was able to forgive and forget because they have learnt to have domination over their emotions to be in charge of their decisions. And those who were equally as angry as I was couldn’t find a place to forgive me, and we no more became friends.
After realizing that anger isn’t external but internal, I then took a different tack—I dug into myself to understand why I would always be so pissed off easily and that made me become completely changed.
Today, you could be anyone and a furious person. Don’t let the action of your emotion of anger and hatred control your being. Being angry doesn’t change the state of a situation if your anger lack wisdom and grow higher, then it equally amounts to fo*fool*shness. You’ll may suffer the consequence later on if not now. But don’t build your world on shallow foundation fence with pain as the result of anger. The consequence is regrets.
Other Damaging Effects of Anger
Another, more serious, implication of anger would be its far-reaching effects on innocent, third-party recipients who had nothing to do with it. Consider kids who grow up with deep mental issues due to anger issues in their parents. Consider that there are probably many more individuals out there, impacted by others’ anger, who live their lives as slaves to their anger without ever knowing so.
What if anger doesn’t have to be the way? What if you could learn to deal with life’s issues and unexpected circumstances without anger? What if you don’t even have to be angry to begin with? Wouldn’t that be truly beautiful?
As I questioned myself, suddenly I got an aha moment. I realized that it is possible to have a life void of anger, and the possibility lies in my hands, for I am the one responsible for my anger. I realized that if I am to create or contribute to an angerless world, and if I am to become an angerless person, I have to start with myself first.
How To Deal With Anger
Most people would think of anger as an emotion that’s part and parcel of life. That it is normal to feel angry once in a while. And that it is okay to be angry when things don’t go your way.
I’ll teach you conscious methods on how to deal with anger, such that you will become an angerless person. This guide is not about anger “management” or anger “control”, which are short-term solutions. This guide is about permanent anger resolution, because long-term solutions, not quick fixes, should be our aim in life.
Step 1: Recognize When You Are Angry
Contrary to what most might think, anger isn’t just limited to moments when you lose your cool and fly into a rage. Anger starts the moment you harbor negative emotions about something or someone. As you feel more and more unhappy, your anger compounds… Eventually you snap when your anger hits a certain threshold and you can’t hold it in any longer.
As I unraveled my anger issues in the past year, I realized I was quite an intensely angry person. I realized that irk and frustration are forms of anger. They are just lesser forms of anger. They are, in fact, the inducting states of anger.
This means if you often feel irked or frustrated, there is actually an angry soul in you waiting to be unleashed. You are no different than a ticking time bomb waiting to go off any minute. All it takes are (a) the right stimulus and (b) sufficient irk to be compounded before you fly into a rage at someone or something.
If you need help controlling rage or anger, consider these steps:
Can you recognize the different anger states?
1. Level 0: Angerless. A state of no anger. Zen. Peace. Calmness.
2. Level 1: Irk. The beginning level of anger. Here, you feel slight feelings of annoyance, but they are repressible. (Very volatile people skip this level and jump straight to Levels 3, 4, or 5.)
3. Level 2: Frustration. The mid-point between slight annoyance and actual anger (Level 3). You are frustrated and it shows. It’s harder to deny your frustration compared to Level 1.
4. Level 3: Anger. Your frustration has built up to the point where you feel actual anger. Not only that, your frustration is so much that it’s now manifesting physiologically. You can feel your heart beating faster and your body warming up.
5. Level 5: Rage. You have totally lost it! You see red and nothing can stop you from lashing out at others. This is the state where you say and do things which you normally wouldn’t, in a fit of anger.
Regardless of your answer for each question, you should endeavor to reach Level 0, because that is your natural state of being. None of us are born with anger in our souls. The only reason we even have irk, frustration, anger, or rage in our system is because of (a) past, unprocessed anger that is stuck in our souls, and (b) faulty paradigms of thinking.
Step 2: Know Your Anger Triggers
Anger begets more anger, and forgiveness and love lead to more forgiveness and love. Mahavira
What is the real source of the emotion you’re dealing with? Who is the real culprit? Chances are, it’s not the people or situations you are lashing out at. Could you be yelling at your wife, when in fact you’re upset with your mother? Did something happen to you in childhood that has left you so deeply wounded that anger and rage are always bubbling under the surface? You can’t change what happened, but you can heal.
Do you know your anger triggers? What makes you angry? What ticks you off? What can you not stand?
For the next two minutes, make a list of things that (a) irk or frustrate you (e.g. late public transport, bad customer service, negative people, or inconsiderate people), (b) infuriates you to no end (e.g. injustice to the weak, molesters / rapists, or hypocrites), and (c) instantly pisses you off (e.g. screeching of chalk against a blackboard).
Now, for the rest of today, observe your reaction to everything that happens. Whenever you observe yourself feeling irked or angry, note the trigger and add it onto your list. Spot as many anger triggers as you can.
Step 3: Drill into Your Anger Triggers
Love yourself. It is important to stay positive because beauty comes from the inside out. Jenn Proske
Instead of raging against people, figure out what you can do that is constructive. Maybe you need to take a walk to go resolve an issue with a friend, or perhaps your constructive alternative action is to forgive someone who wronged you years ago.
Using the digging exercise to find out why your anger triggers make you angry. For each trigger, ask yourself “Why does this make me angry?”. Pen down the answer and repeat the question until you reach an aha moment (surrounding your anger). This would be the root cause of your anger (at least for that particular trigger).
For example, say after doing Step 2, you realize your anger triggers are (a) talking to rude people, and (b) seeing old people being mistreated. Let’s drill into them one at a time.
Example #1: Talking to Rude People
- “Why does talking to rude people make me angry?”
- Because they are obnoxious.
- “Why does that make me angry?”
- Because they are being disrespectful.
- “Why does that make me angry?”
- Because it makes me feel unvalued, unworthy.
“Why does that make me feel angry?”
Here, you find out that your anger to rude people is linked to your childhood when you were rudely treated by your schoolmates. This is the underlying driver for your anger in this case.
Step: Let Go of the Anger
Once you have identified your constructive alternative action, it’s important that you take that specific action, as uncomfortable as it may be, and move on. Claim your right to resolve the source of your anger and reclaim your life.
The first step is to identify the grievances you still feel over that episode. For example, let’s say your friend broke a promise to you a year ago and you remain resentful about it today. Why? What are your grievances about that episode?
Perhaps you are angry that she did not live up to what she had promised. Perhaps you are angry that she did not fulfill the expectations you had of her. Perhaps you are angry that she is not the person you thought she was. Perhaps, just perhaps, the real reason you are upset with her is because you thought both of you shared a special bond and you wish she had placed more importance in the friendship to remember and honor that promise.
If you are angry with your friend for not living up to your expectations, ask yourself: Why do you have such expectations of her?
Why are you evaluating her by those expectations? Is she a bad person or a bad friend just because she didn’t conform to your expectations? Are you being fair to her by measuring her against those expectations?
If you are angry with your friend for not valuing you enough as a friend to live up to the promise, ask yourself: Is it true that she did not, does not, value you as a friend? Or was that just your conclusion? How do you think she truly views the friendship?
Challenge your assumptions and beliefs as you work through your grievances. Most grievances are the result of faulty thinking or simply missing the bigger picture. If you can uncover the missing link, you will no sooner be liberated of your unhappiness.
In conclusion, to permanently remove anger from your life, you have to make the conscious decision to stop being angry (as you work through your past anger). This means letting go of attachments. This means not expecting people to conform to expectations. This means being okay when things don’t match your expectations. This also means learning to embrace life’s little quirks and idiosyncrasies.