Important Things In Life To Know When Helping Others
If you take a deep reflection on how people have made effort to help you in the past, you would found out that there are certain offers you didn’t appreciate. You not appreciating such offer is not because you are an ingrate, but because it is not a solution to the problem you were facing at that time. So, my question to you is:
Do I Need Help?
Good day Friends and top of your day to you. I hope you had a wonderful time in Church service, today being the last Sunday’s of November 2018.
Somehow, life is an irony for so many people in a way that a person can be in need of help and do not know it. It becomes crazy. Think about it.
How do you help someone or people that never thinks they need help? It becomes an aching question if you have no answers to it. Cause i would think that if I need help, then I should know. But if I need help emotionally, spiritually, financially or mentally and I don’t think I do, then that is a bigger problem.
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Somehow, a lot of people hide in the light and because of the rays that light produces, a person can be in a place of so much light and see so much light and choose to only see the light, not acknowledging a spot on the garment they wear because of the intensity of that light.
That is why a Christian can say I am born again, nothing’s wrong with me, but he beats his wife in the house, doesn’t provide for his family, but does in Church, he’s having several relationships and says no lady is faithful, she frustrates everyone who ever comes close to her and not admit they’re the problem, but says she’s praying for a husband. “But they are born again, and say nothing’s wrong.”
It must mean therefore that if I am this way, I have had to ignore the spot on my garment and just keep talking about the light that I see. Romans 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
How do I prove the perfect will of God when I ignore my own defect and refuse to see where I need change?
The first answer would have to come from coming to see that I need help and that if I keep running away from addressing my situation, then I am not ready for any change.
So, what should I do before Lending a helping hand to someone, is to look at the following:
1. Find out what the person need
The greatest mistake you can ever make when trying to help someone is to bash into their life, make some observations and conclude based on your assumptions that you know what their problems are. It can be very annoying for someone to think he knows better how you should live your life, no matter how genuine their interest in your success.
To avoid falling into such trap, learn to ask question from the person you want to help. Find out the person’s challenges and see how you can come in. People will only appreciate your offer for help when your offer serves as a significant solution to a core problem in their life. Help people the way they want to be helped not by how you think you should help them.
2. Never think your opinion is superior over their own opinion or decision
People do things for certain reasons which are best known to them. When you try to impose your own opinion on whoever you are trying to help, they would rarely see you as a helper but an abuser of their human right and intelligence. Your opinion even when taken by them may never give them fulfillment.
I will illustrate this using romantic relationship. Let us assume you are in love with a lady and intend to marry her. Then you decide to take her to see your parents. She spends a couple of days with your parents and left. After her departure, your parents objected your decision to marry her based on some sentiments that are important to them but inconsequential to you.
Really, they want the best for you, and want to help you, but because it is never in your interest, you will never see it as a help. That is exactly what happens when anytime you want to impose your own idea of what is good and ideal on someone you want to help. Such help in most cases will always boomerang. It is not that the person doesn’t appreciate your offer, but it is because you have not helped the person the way he wanted to be helped.
However, if you are very certain that the person is acting in ignorance; your job is to educate him. Let him know the pros and cons of his decision.
3. Always choose encouragement over criticism
One of the ways we render help to others is by motivating them to accomplish their goal using the power of words. There are two ways to get this done, encouragement and constructive criticism. It is always good to choose encouragement over criticism, and if criticism should be employed at all, it must be a constructive one.
When using encouragement, it is important to recognize the person’s effort, appreciate the progress the person has made and help him to see rational reasons why he should and can do more. This approach works for most people. It boosts people’s self-confidence and self-esteem.
When people employ criticism, the focus is on the person’s weakness, on things he fails to do right and how suck the person’s efforts has been. If the person you are trying to help in this manner has the problem of self-doubt, lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem, your criticism will do more harm to him/her than good. Though you are trying to help, they could hate you for doing so.