Jealousy Kill Relationships: How To Break Free From Your Jealousy
Jealousy Kill Relationships: How To Break Free From Your Jealousy.
A proverb once said, “A jealous lady does more investigations than a security agent.” That could be so true! Because at the other hand, she knows how to go about sourcing for information important, simply to save her relationship which may cause more harm to her emotionally, and may even make her lose the relationship she tries to protect . While for the male folks, being a jealous partner means becoming a grown up baby alway putting up some tantrums attitudes, every thing being suspicious makes him more curious about the unknown. Simply because he is deeply in love, weak emotionally, and so much controlled by his emotions to lose what bring him relationship fulfilment. His thought most times are based on assumptions, which are not facts. this become a big problem if caution and common sense if left out.
Jealousy attitudes is a killer to relationships. And most marriage end because of jealous conflicts, and people kill other people because they are jealous. Imagine this. You are at a party and someone is friendly and you smile. Your partner thinks that you are betraying her. Or your partner tells you a funny story about a former lover, and you feel threatened. You feel the anger and the anxiety rising inside you, and you don’t know what to do. I believe you can learn and put to practice some methods to solve your jealousy issues.
How is jealousy the cause of most marriage separation in most case, is due by insecurity. Though there are other several things that could cause damage to marriages or relationships.
So let’s look at some of the basis of jealousy?
It all begins with poor self-esteem. The jealous person does not feel a sense of innate worth. A jealous spouse might harbor unrealistic expectations about marriage. S(he) might have grown up on the fantasy of marriage, thinking wedded life would be like they saw in magazines and movies. She might think that “Forsake all others” includes friendships and hobbies, too. His/her expectations about what a relationship is are not grounded in reality. They may not understand that it is not good for a marriage for each spouse to have their own outside interests.
The jealous spouse feels a sense of ownership and possessiveness towards their partner and refuses to allow the partner free agency for fear that freedom will allow them to find “someone better.”
How jealousy damages a relationship
Too much jealousy will wear down even the best of marriages, as it permeates all aspects of the relationship.
The jealous partner requires constant reassurance that the imagined threat is not real. The jealous partner may resort to sneaky behaviors, such as installing a key-logger on the spouse’s keyboard, hacking their email account, going through their phone and reading text messages, or following them to see where they are “really” going. They may denigrate the partner’s friends, family or work associates. These behaviors have no place in a healthy relationship.
Let look at the life story of Jerry Hall and Mick Jagger may have split up years ago, but his jealousy is still very much alive. She revealed some years back that he refuses to even meet her current beau Tim Attias. Ironic behaviour, to say the least, from a man who seemed keen to pursue one illicit liaison after another while he and Jerry were an item.
Why Do Men Get Jealous?
Whatever form a man’s jealousy takes, the root cause is always the same: insecurity. There may even be a connection between male jealousy and infidelity, says psychologist Gladeana McMahon. ‘Men aren’t so sure these days about who they’re supposed to be. Should they be the provider, or an equal partner?
This uncertainty breeds insecurity and, in turn, jealousy. ‘Some jealous men may have problems entering into a monogamous relationship because they find it too scary to commit to one person – what if it goes wrong, or she lets him down? ‘So these men split their emotions.
What Are The Warning Sings Of a Jealous Partner?
• If they grew up around infidelity. ‘If they saw their parents cheating on each other, they may have grown up thinking that’s what people do, and be carrying a great deal of mistrust.’
• If your partner was cheated on. S(he) may well be asking why they should trust you if they were so badly hurt before.
• If your partner has a poor self-image. If they could believe it doesn’t worth much, this he/she will always going to question why you stay with him/her – and whether you’ll continue to.
• If your partner, lady is more successful than her husband, or more highly paid than him. A common jealousy trigger, as it strikes at the core of every man’s sense of his own status. Glance at any celebrity magazine and it’s clear how the relationships between famous women and not-so-famous men have a habit of hurtling towards the rocks, usually amid tales of the man’s jealous outbursts. Exhibit A: Jennifer Lopez’s short-lived marriage to choreographer Cris Judd, punctuated by tales of the groom’s jealous tantrums.
Many women misread the signs when entering into a relationship with a jealous man, interpreting his possessive behaviour as caring, even romantic. Others may choose to ignore the jealous outbursts, or try to anticipate or avoid the situations which spark them off. This, says Gladeana, is a major mistake. ‘You must never back out of dealing with his jealousy in the hope it will go away – it won’t.’ ‘But by learning the right way to tackle it, he’ll soon come to know that as soon as he starts suffering pangs, you’ll always notice and won’t let him get away with it.’
How can you Handle A Jealous partner
1. Recognise it as a problem – both of you. Problems in relationship can not be solved until you know how and what causes it. Then improve on your flaws to become a positive and better partner.
2. Make a commitment to him/her
A partner may genuinely wants to change his/her behaviour and will work at it with your help. You: that you won’t change your behaviour to accommodate his/her. Never stop doing things to ‘keep your partner happy.’ Thought a jealous lover will find other things to get jealous about.
3. Look for the reasons for the jealousy.
It always comes down to an insecurity about one thing or another…but what? Perhaps could be self-esteem needs building up – s(he) may not feel, at heart, that they are loveable and his jealousy may be a way of testing this. You need to talk together about how the jealousy manifests itself and discuss how you’ll deal with it when it next happens.
4. Work out a ‘jealousy code’.
This is a sign, either a word or a gesture, agreed on and known only to you two, that either of you can use when jealousy is becoming a problem. It acts like a sort of ‘time out’ in difficult situations and signals for you to help each other.
5. Don’t pamper your partner jealousy attitudes
‘Changing your behaviour to try and avoid jealousy is an example of pampering and never cures the problem. What does is encouraging your partner doing well in trying to deal with it, and that you recognise how difficult it is’. Never, ever say that the jealousy is acceptable. Support your partner, but never collude with him/her.
6. Get help
Jealousy is one of the most frequent problems brought to relationships counsellors. If you don’t know where to start, a trained counsellor can help you isolate the causes of the jealousy and devise a strategy to work through it.
Can jealousy be unlearned?
It is possible to overcome jealous feelings but it takes a lot of time and effort. If your marriage is at stake, it is worth entering into counseling to help untangle the roots of jealousy. Typical areas that your therapist will have you work on include:
• Recognizing that the jealousy is damaging your marriage.
• Admitting that the jealous behavior is not based on anything factual actually occurring in the marriage.
• Relinquishing the need to control your spouse.
• Stopping all spying and surveillance behavior.
• Rebuilding your sense of self-worth, through self-care and therapeutic exercises designed to teach you that you are safe, loved and worthy.
So whether it is you who is experiencing an abnormal level of jealousy in the marriage, or it is your spouse, it is recommended that you seek help if you want to save the marriage or relationship. Even if you sense that the marriage is beyond saving, getting therapy would be a good idea so that roots of this negative behavior can be examined and treated, and any future relationships you may have can be healthy ones.
In conclusion, there are few emotions harder to control than jealousy. Anger can be controlled, sadness will wash away, and happiness can be ended swiftly with a single misstep. Jealousy, though, is trickier. It can creep into every aspect of your life if you’re not careful, and can lead to you making terrible mistakes. Jealousy is often at the root of horrible crimes men commit against their partners. The suspicion that you’re being cheated on is a horrible feeling, but it pales in comparison to the harassment, violence and even murder that can result from uncontrolled jealousy. That’s why it’s important as men to talk about these things before they go too far.
I hope this really help you, for the Love of God share with those who need this.